Exciting news!

So... we've been holding onto a little secret! We're expecting a baby (due New Year's Eve!) and it's a baby girl!

We're so excited and it's been killing me not to blog about it. When I was pregnant with Javi I didn't blog often (though I revealed the news much earlier along) but it was more because it was all so new and I didn't want anything to go wrong. Of course, that's always a worry -- but this time was more because I've been busy, the doctors are watching the baby's heart for some concerns AND my work didn't know yet. Since my social media and blog are public I thought it would be weird to post here. 

I'll be 20 weeks on Saturday and I'm definitely starting to show so it was time to share the news on social media and here and I'm so looking forward to the rest of the pregnancy and being a mom to a little girl!

I've been feeling pretty good. I found out really early (on April 22) and so I feel like I really experienced all of the first trimester. Thankfully, just like with Javi, I didn't experience typical morning sickness symptoms however, I felt pretty terrible during the day, couldn't eat and just wanted to sleep away my constant headaches. Around 14 weeks, that stopped and I've been feeling good (other than being so tired). The second pregnancy is definitely different since you can't just nap whenever you feel like it with a toddler running around and screaming! :)

Javi's birthday is coming up which means he'll be about 28 months by the time baby arrives. As of now, he doesn't know what's about to happen to his little world but we've been talking about it and he likes to point to my belly (and his) and point out the "bebe". It was only on Tuesday, we found out it's a girl so now I'm going into major planning mode. :)

Javier's Birth Day.

I was certain he was going to come early so imagine my surprise when September 15th rolled around (one day after my due date) and I was still very much pregnant. Luckily, my doctor had already scheduled my induction for September 19th so I saw the end in sight. We were very excited (and eager, too -- we tried to convince labor and delivery on the 15th that I was, in fact, in labor... they sent me home with assurance that "one day, they'll let me stay!") and on the 19th, at 7AM we finally got to the hospital -- certain he would be here very soon. I think I was a little naive. Though in the grand scheme of labor stories, mine isn't too, too long.

I'm not sure about the timing, the medications, or the processes of things. All I know is that when I arrived for my induction, I was already in active labor at 3cm. They started me on pitocin to "speed things up". I'm not sure it sped up anything though it definitely made my already painful contractions, more painful. It was still bearable (maybe the excitement got the best of me) and we stayed in the room watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. I couldn't eat anything but I survived on ice, popsicles and lollipops. Hours later, not much was going on so the doctor broke my water (weirdest feeling, ever) and they decided to give me some pain medication that would make me feel like I just "drank two margaritas". It wasn't the right fit for me and it totally messed with my breathing techniques and made it impossible to focus on anything but the fact that the room was spinning. At 5cm, they stopped that drug and my kind nurse said "sweetie, take the epidural" and so, I gave in. Thankfully. 

The relief from the epidural was pretty instant and I could focus on the excitement again. I'm not sure what the heck happened from the time I got the epidural to the time I started "practice pushing" or even how long it was -- but I know at 9:30PM, I was given the "ok" to start pushing. This part is a bit of a blur but I know at one point I admitted defeat and just started saying "but I don't want to be doing this right now" over and over. Everyone in the room assured me that I did in fact want to be doing this and even more so... that I no longer had a choice in the matter. My doctor came in close to midnight and declared it "time". Apparently, things weren't going in my favor, though I didn't realize at the time, but thinking back I should have known (maybe I would have without all the drugs). I guess he was "sunny side up" and was stuck. I kept hitting my epidural button, but it only helped so much. After 30 minutes of being with the doctor she said I had one more chance to push or she was calling it an emergency c-section. I don't think I did anything different with the final push that I had done the previous 3 hours, but it must have been enough because Javier Cash Duffy came out screaming at 12:37AM on Sunday, September 20th. They put him on my chest immediately and though I thought I wouldn't want that to happen, I didn't mind. He was squirmy and warm and he was looking at me looking at him and I think we both were a little shocked. They convinced Sean to cut the umbilical cord and then asked if I wanted to hold him for a bit or if they should check him out first. I quickly told them I wanted him checked over and over and to make sure he was perfect. So while I was there getting stitched up, Sean watched them weigh him and measure him and check him over. I kept asking "why is he crying?!" and when he would stop I would ask "why isn't he making noise?!" as I peered at him from the bed. After the chaos of delivery, and once everyone left the room, Sean and I just stared at him, and laughed every few minutes at the thought of "but we're parents now". This little being at 7 lbs 11 oz, 21 inches long, blue eyes, long skinny legs and a full head of hair was ours. It was a weird feeling to suddenly (after 17 hours of hard work) have him in our arms rather than my belly. 

Letter one.

I won't always publish these letters but I feel it's important to share some of them. So here's to the first of many.

Javi,

It's me, your mother. It's late at night and almost September. They tell me that's when you'll come. Probably around September 14th. My bet is on the 3rd though I don't know why. I'm anxious to meet you and I want the time to be now. Or yesterday, actually. I'm actually quite terrified. Of labor and delivery, yes. But more so about being a mother. About being your mother. Your dad and I talk about you every night. Our fears and concerns and how we'll take care of you and comfort you and give you necessities and extras. We're hoping you like us. Now and always. But we're both confident there will be times we won't be your favorite people in the world. And that's okay. I guess that's what it means to be a parent. 

I love your dad. I'm not sure I always knew we'd end up married with you on the way but I always knew he was the one I wanted to be around every day of my life. He's so kind and patient with me. He's talented and passionate and smart. He treats me like a queen. He's so excited for your arrival. He's been making the house perfect, fixing the cars, washing the laundry, keeping us stocked in groceries, hanging shelves and moving furniture. You'll see soon enough that he's the type of man you'll want to strive to be. I just know it. And the way he treats me? Well I hope that one day you treat the person you love in a similar way. 

We met when we were teenagers and started dating when I was 20. We stayed up late and stayed out all night. We went to movies and festivals and clubs. Daddy played in bands and toured. We traveled and camped and fished. We played mini-golf and video games. We hiked and watched tv marathons. We celebrated happy times and mourned through hard times. We were young once, if you can picture it. We're hopeful that we won't forget that feeling... Of being young and feeling compelled to do something less than intelligent. I think it's inevitable so I'll apologize now. I can promise that we've been there and probably went through it, tried it, failed at it, lost it, crashed it, and just about anything else you can do... Your dad probably did it first :)

I'm a nervous person. Your dad is carefree. I'm going to be the one who doesn't want you to fall or hurt or cry. Your dad knows that falls heal, being hurt is okay and tears dry. I hope I can learn to let go but I'm sure it'll take time. Just a few words of advice: seat belts save lives and so do helmets. Also jumping into a body of water you've never been in is dumb. Please don't. I could go on and on about swimming safety but I'm sure if you're like your dad you'll roll your eyes. 

Right now, I feel you moving around in my belly. It's the eve of the beginning of week 38 in this journey together. It's been easy. You've been kind to me other than some swelling but that's mostly the heat. I'm so looking forward to meeting you. I have so many hopes and plans and dreams for your life. I want you to have it all. And if I have anything to do with it, you will. 

I love you a whole big bunch,

Mama

Javi's room.

I have to admit that when I started thinking about a nursery -- I had no idea what needed to be included in one. Setting up a classroom from 25 kids is easy. Brainstorming practicality and function for 1 baby? -- Not what I know how to do. Being a Montessori teacher, I contemplated having a Montessori-style bedroom for Javi. Ultimately, I decided against this. Mostly from talking to other Montessori teachers that I'm friends with (some who did it and it didn't necessarily work out and some who totally skipped it altogether and some who swore by it). This is not to say that nothing about his room is "Montessori" but there's definitely not a floor bed (though I hope to transition him out of his crib quicker than "typical"). I also chose to have a glider because rocking a baby to sleep sounds like some of the most fun I've ever heard of. And I have things on the shelves that aren't necessarily developmentally appropriate (or safe) for a newborn but they're cute and I'll move them before he starts to move on his own, okay? Oh, and the dresser. Not Montessori at all. But it's beautiful. 

The other thing is, we live in a Cape house -- so the bedroom ceilings are slanted. It makes it kind of tricky to design a space but I figure he'll be short for a while so he's less likely to bump his head. When we moved into this house, this room was yellow. That awful yellow that our entire house was painted. Oh, but even better this room was wallpapered and THEN someone painted over the wallpaper that awful yellow color. We had a painter come and strip the wallpaper and paint the walls Moonshine by Benjamin Moore, and all the trim is Decorator's White. We also had him install the ceiling fan/light since the room didn't have any light at all and I read that ceiling fans help prevent SIDS though I don't know if that's necessarily true. 

Almost everything in this room was gifted to us or something that we had already. Except for the dresser. The crib is from Babies R Us and so is the crib sheet. The rug is from Overstock.

I tried to organize the IKEA dresser but only time will tell if it makes sense. The lamp, clock and shelves are also from IKEA. The Giving Tree book was sort of guest book at my baby shower and guests wrote sweet messages to Javi to read when he's older. The el gato print and the little prince print are from Etsy. The metal J is from Michaels. I thought about getting all the letters in his name but I decided I liked the single J.

I really love the built-ins in this house and we have them in all the bedrooms. I wasn't sure what to put on the little shelves next to drawers but decided to put little things that people gifted to us. The blocks are nursery rhyme blocks, the stuffed animals are Star Wars characters (and Sean is very specific in NOT calling them stuffed animals). The sheep on the top left is a piggy bank we bought on our honeymoon in Ireland. The knobs are from Etsy, too. 

I really wanted books to be a major theme for Javi. I love books and I hope he does too. So I made sure the book shelves were low and I like when books face out -- I think kids are more attracted to them when they can see the front of the book rather than just the book's spine. The shelves are spice racks from IKEA that "we" spray painted white. My aunt made the pillow cases as decorations for my baby shower. 

My mom got me the glider from a yard sale and my aunt covered the cushions with new fabric. The end table was Sean's from when he was little and the ukelele is Sean's, too. The window AC won't always be there but it's very hot and necessary now. The windows do all have black-out cordless blinds from JCPenney but no curtains. The framed print was a free download online. 

The end table near his crib was in the house when we bought it, but it sort of fits in this room? The elephant picture above his crib is just fabric over a canvas. I hung the mirror low enough so he can see himself during "tummy time". The door, which you can only see a bit of, is a screen door. We took off the regular door and put that on instead. Our reasoning behind this was to keep the cats out but still allow them to see in the room so he's not such a mystery to them. It's recommended by the ASPCA so we'll see if it helps. 

There are number of things I still have but aren't up yet. I have a Montessori mobile and more decorations and prints that I'm just very indecisive about where to hang so I must wait. But all in all, I feel like his space is ready for him. Which is good since I'll be 38 weeks tomorrow. 

36 weeks and counting.

I took these pictures last Sunday at 35 weeks and 6 days which makes me 36 weeks and 3 days now. We are almost to 37 weeks which I'm told is a milestone though Sean is really pushing for 39 weeks because all the signs in the hospital say that it is "only" then, at 39 weeks that a baby's brain is fully developed. I'm not too sure about that and don't really mind him coming earlier than expected. I'm pretty ready to meet him as long as he's ready to be in the world. Though I would love a September baby. :)

His room is almost complete. It's been slightly easier to do things around the house since the doctor put me on "modified bed rest" rather than "strict bed rest" though I find that my body responds best to laying down and the minute I get up -- the swelling starts. I'd still like to hang a few more shelves, his glider still needs a cover and I'm not quite sure what is "supposed" to be near his changing pad. I think it's going to be a live and learn type of situation. Most importantly, we have a place for him to sleep, diapers, some clothes and hopefully I'll be able to breastfeed. I hear that's all babies truly need -- you know, other than love and all the good stuff.

Speaking of clothes -- they tell me he's big. Big! I'll be crushed if he doesn't fit into all those teeny tiny newborn clothes that I've already taken tags off of and washed and folded and put in his dresser. I guess that's why everything online says "don't take tags off so that you can exchange items that don't fit". I was just too excited and Dreft smells too good not to use. They also say he has lots of hair (apparently, they can tell from the ultrasound) and has chubby legs. Babies are so funny.

I don't do much during the day but I plan to go back to work August 31st for the start of the school year. That week is mostly meetings (so lots of sitting) and since I'm really hoping he stays put until AT LEAST September 1st -- I think I'll be good to go in on August 31st... even if it's just for a day. Once I'm officially on maternity leave, I'll be home with Javi until January, after winter break. The cats aren't thrilled with this as I think I disturb their slumbering throughout the day by taking pictures of them and putting them up on Instagram.

Maybe I'll post the nursery tomorrow if I can get some good pictures today.

Bed rest.

At 30 weeks, my hands and feet started to swell. I stopped wearing my wedding ring (though on my anniversary I did sport my wedding band on my pinky finger). And soon after, the only shoes I could wear were flip flops. Not horrible for the summer time, but pretty uncomfortable to be in all day, in 90 degree weather, with 90% humidity, while teaching summer school to ten 3-6 year olds -- constantly moving, helping, picking up things, taking them to recess, carrying heavy things, setting up meals, changing them in and out of bathing suits, walking around campus, giving lessons, setting up sprinkler time, riding a bumpy bus at the end of the day with them... ah. It's no wonder why at 33 weeks -- here I am, on bed rest.

Last Thursday, 33 weeks and 3 days, I became concerned by the swelling and constantly hearing from anyone who saw me "hmm, have you told your doctor about the swelling?". Finally, after the 7th person in one day said something I decided to call. Of course, they wanted to see me so I had to leave work early. My doctor quickly sent me to the hospital to have an ultrasound done of my legs/feet to make sure I didn't have a clot. They didn't find one. So, I went home thinking I'll keep up my feet and stay in the AC and I'll be fine.

Last Friday, I debated over staying home from work but ultimately decided to go. I took it easy with the help of my co-teachers but apparently, it was still too much. Around 11:45 I started having contractions. I texted Sean and my mom and everyone sort of decided a call to the doctor was probably warranted. Except that when I called, they told me I had to go to labor and delivery and not to their office. How rude! After waiting for Sean to leave work to pick me up and then driving to the hospital and being in traffic for far too long we arrived at the hospital and they hooked me up to the non-stress test monitor. 

After three hours, a couple of tests, 2 nurses and 1 doctor... it was decided that I go on bed rest for the next 4 days until I can meet with my doctor. Apparently, the cause for most (early) contractions is dehydration. Since I wasn't dehydrated and the contractions kept coming when I moved... they decided I needed to be still. As in, on my side, laying flat. Not sitting up, not moving around, not driving, not working, not doing anything! 

It's not horrible. But it's not easy and it's not fun. There are many things I would prefer to do with my time (like set up the nursery, organize downstairs, set up other baby stuff) and there's even stuff I need to do (clean, laundry, make "last minute" purchases, finish up my thank you's). But none of that is possible laying on my side. It makes it really difficult. I'm hoping that my doctor takes me off bed rest when I see her tomorrow. Though I don't know how likely it is that would happen. 

I have a little less than 24 hours until I find out my fate for the next 6 weeks. I'm honestly looking forward to leaving the house. Even if it's only for the doctors. 

My baby shower.

Over the weekend, my mom and aunt Barbara threw me a baby shower. It was such a special time and something I very much was looking forward to and I'm sad it's over! They did an amazing job with planning and decorating and prepping for the shower (they did an amazing job with my bridal shower, too!) and they thought of every little detail. They followed a book theme -- I'm a huge fan of children's books and already have quite the collection for Javi. They also included my childhood stuffed animals within the decorations and a bunch of new books, and toys and items for Javi to have and play with when he's old enough. Everything from the signs, to the banners, to the baby clothes and shoes, to the chair and pillow covers, to the games, to the guest book, to the everything... was perfect. Sean's mom helped also and made the cake and all the adorable cookies (you'll see in the photos). 

The shower started at 1 and Sean came around 2:15. I was relieved to have him join me for gift opening. I struggled during the bridal shower with unwrapping and opening and announcing and thanking. It's a lot of work! So it was nice to have him next to me and we worked together to do all those same tasks. Plus, with this baby bump in the way it's a bit tricky to lean and open gifts! Also I know he enjoyed seeing the gifts and being able to thank people in person. It was a busy and beautiful day! But I loved being surrounded by people who are excited for Javi's arrival!

Javier Cash.

I was more than confident this baby was a girl. But the doctor and ultrasound tech say boy. I have to admit that when I found out... I sort of mourned the girl I didn't have in my belly. But I think if it was opposite I would have mourned the boy I didn't have in my belly. So either way, it's a bit bittersweet. At least, it was for me. I'm glad we found out the sex of the baby. I thought about revealing it in some big and exciting way but ultimately -- I just couldn't get it together. Just like, when we found out we were expecting... I had big pinterest dreams about a pregnancy reveal and it just didn't happen. We didn't announce the name in some big and exciting way, either. 

When I thought we were having a girl, I had a name already picked out -- for a long time. It came very easily to me. So when we found out it was a boy, we had some major brainstorming to do. The name didn't come as easily. We looked online and in books and I thought about TV shows and movies that we liked and all the characters and people we've encountered in real life and in entertainment. 

We knew we wanted "Cash" somewhere in the name. I always considered it for a first name but I also really like the idea of a first name that can have a nickname, too. I wasn't sure how to shorten Cash anymore. So we bumped it into the middle name slot and kept looking for a first name.

I'm actually not sure how we found it. In conversation with each other, or others, or online, or in a book or in a movie or what. But somehow we said "Javier" and we both fell in love. It means "bright" which I think is fitting not only for new life but also for a child who will literally and figuratively become the brightest thing in our world. And I loved that the name can be shortened to "Javi". 

And so, we decided on Javier Cash Duffy. And unless, by some chance, he's born and looks like he should be something else... that's what the plan is. And of course, if by chance, the doctor and ultrasound tech got it wrong -- I still have a girl's name in my back pocket.

Hi, my name is Jasmine.

It's been a while. I literally had to search my memory for the password to this place. But, I'm back, if not for just today then maybe for the amount of time that it takes to fill this space with what has happened in the past 4 months. I figure I best -- because I got a notification that my domain was expiring in the beginning of August. It was a real dilemma as I questioned whether or not to renew "www.jasminehduffy.com" but ultimately I decided that I'd better pay the renewal fee and keep my memories and perhaps even continue to write in the future. So, here I am -- a few dollars less but with my domain, my name, and a little bit about where I've been.

I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant (28 weeks in the photo above). I continue to struggle with the idea of posting about him throughout my pregnancy. It's not that I don't want to talk about him all the time because I do, I just feel like if I write about him all the time it will make the time go so slowly. And I want September 14th to arrive like... tomorrow. So I've waited and waited and waited and before I knew it all this time had passed. As a "previous" blogger I always thought I'd be all over the bump pictures and posts and the weekly bump updates and so on, but when it actually came time to do all that I realized -- it's actually not my thing. So I didn't want to force it. But since the pregnancy is all I wanted to talk about in person, but nothing I wanted to sit and type about, I didn't come here. I mean, nothing else was going on so why type nonsense?

Thankfully, I feel good and there are only a few times throughout the day that I wish I felt differently. For the most part, I'm comfortable, baby gets comfortable (read: he kicks, punches, flips, tosses, etc.) and it makes me laugh. There are times, I cringe slightly but I quickly force myself to smile. The miracle of life, right? The doctors appointments are plenty, but they say all is well and I love seeing him on the monitor. At my last appointment, he was 2 lb. 12 oz., and I was up a whole lot of weight. But I tell myself that between him, and everything else going on in there, it's probably okay. I can't get enough water, I have one pair of pants that fit, my iron is low and I suffer from restless leg syndrome. But I managed to bypass morning sickness, my feet haven't gotten swollen, and for the most part my headaches and dizziness from earlier in the pregnancy have subsided. So, I feel pretty lucky. 

We've been preparing for his arrival. We've been trying to get his room set up. I know they say babies don't need beautiful nurseries and all they need are diapers, food and a place to sleep but I just couldn't help myself. If nothing else, it's an excuse to have one less room in my house with wallpaper. I hope to post about his room soon, but in all honesty, right now it's painted and has a dresser. It's not baby ready but we still have 10 weeks, at least that's the plan! We've also taken a childbirth education class, I've signed up but haven't taken (yet) a breastfeeding class, and we've added multiple books to the coffee table. "Hypnobirthing" & "Babywise" are good topics of conversation around here and visitors either laugh at me for my newly acquired collection of books or stare blankly. It's fine either way. 

One thing is certain, I'm totally excited for what's to come. And I really don't want to wait -- but I will since I don't think he's quite baked enough to come out yet.