My most recent date night has left me terrified of vacationing.

Over the weekend, Sean and I went out on a date to see Evil Dead.
I know what you're thinking, "what kind of date night movie is that?".
I am still thinking the exact same thing.

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I was checking my phone for the time. The whole time.
Doing the math in my head like "okay, there's 40 minutes left".
I was closing my eyes wishing I could fall asleep.
I was staring at Sean, thinking about how many chick flicks he owed me for this.
[We decided on four].

When we left the theater, I did a run-down of everything I hated about the movie.
To which he replied, "that's how I feel after every movie you choose, I'm just not so vocal about it".
Interesting, you mean to tell me you just bite your tongue and tell me how much of a good time you've had with me?
I could shed a tear.

If you don't know what Evil Dead is about:
Possession, group of friends, and cabin in the woods sum it up.

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Wait a minute.
I'm going to a cabin in the woods with a group of friends this summer.

Let's talk about this while possibly giving some spoilers away.
Don't read ahead if you're dying to see this movie and don't want me to "ruin" it.

When I go camping this summer --

I am totally out of there if any of the below happens:

The door to the cabin is busted. If the cabin we're about to stay in for 4 days has visibly been broken into, to the point where we have a conversation about how strangers could be inside.

There are dead animals hanging from the ceiling. A bunch of animals are dangling from the ceiling rotting and smelling? Do you honestly think it's normal to just go to sleep? No. It's not normal, it's sad and horrible.

There's a book of witchcraft wrapped in barbwire. A book in the basement with the dead animals on which, in blood, is written DO NOT OPEN, LEAVE ME ALONE.

There are clippers nearby to clip said barbwire. Yeah, I don't think so. I don't even have to go into this one, right? I mean, if it says do not open... DO NOT OPEN it. And if one of my friends did, there's no way I'm sticking around to see what happens.

Strange things start happening. Somebody in the group suddenly starts seeing a girl, and tells us there's someone else in the cabin with us. I'm listening, and leaving.

My friends start trying to kill me. Who actually thinks it's normal to stick this one out? I don't care if it's raining, I am not sticking around for the night with a plan to leave in the morning. I can't swim, but I would swim across a river. I don't care how fast it's moving.

I can tell you: 
this is what I will be doing during my trip to the woods.

- checking that all doors were sealed and locked and no rooms have any dead animals in them
- carrying my car keys with me at all times
- sleeping with one eye open

The great fall.

Sometimes really embarrassing things happen to me.

Sometimes really painful, embarrassing things happen to me.

So, I figure... why not blog about them?

Take last week, Thursday to be exact.

It was 6AM. Totally dark, totally frigid.

I was walking to my car, completed bundled, 

carrying 3 bags full of things that I probably didn't need to bring to work.

The ground was apparently covered with black ice.

And I was walking so carefully, so cautiously, so slowly.

I got downstairs, down the hallway, through the "courtyard", down the steps, across the parking lot...

And to the car that was parked RIGHT NEXT TO MY CAR,

and suddenly it happened.

My feet did that sort of "running thing" where they are trying to find balance and safety but the ground seems to be moving on them?

That sort of "two-stepping" that doesn't look fancy, and just makes it harder to stand?

And, then... the worst part.

I completely fell.

And not just a slip or a trip.

I mean a full blown, up in the air, slamming down on my backside so that every inch of my body hit the ground at the same time.

From my head to the heels of my feet.

Nothing caught my fall. 

Not my elbows, not my arms... no part of my body risked itself for another.

via.

So, I just laid there.

Beside the back tires of a Ford Ranger.

On the ground. In the middle of a dark parking lot.

When I realized what happened, I tried to get up...

Shamed and saddened.

Annoyed that no one was there to help, but relieved no one witnessed my fall.

I was no longer carrying my car keys that I originally had in my hands.

I sat up looked around and realized they, too, had landed on the black ice and slid down the hill of the parking lot.

Not being able to stand... 

I did what anyone in my situation would do.

I crawled on my hands and knees... on the black ice... 

in the middle of the dark parking lot.. and retrieved my keys.

Only to drag myself back up the hill, to my car, and drive in traffic to work.

Perfect morning, huh?

Luckily my iPhone survived the fall. 

My can of coke did not.

Yup,

And my back still hurts.

So, I think it's safe to say I'm losing the game between myself and Winter 2013.

Mother Nature tried to kill me.

This morning I was watching the children in my classroom play outside at recess. I normally do this and I don't really give it much thought. Today was slightly different because... it was snowing.

They were running and jumping, leaping and falling, making snow angels and sliding down the slide. The looks on their faces were looks of pure joy. And in lots of ways it makes sense. These kids are little. Some only 3 years old. It's a new experience. It's a fun experience. They may not remember snow from last season. And they certainly have not played in the snow with their friends from this year, yet.

Their screams were full of positive energy and I envied them.

Because on my end... this morning, I thought I was going to die.

Now, I'm not being dramatic. I really, whole-heartily, 100% thought I was done. 

First off, let me say, I hate driving. Hate it. Hate. It. It's not for me.

Add in a snowstorm? Oh.my.god.

I woke up feeling good about myself. Feeling a lot better than yesterday since my antibiotics must have kicked in. I cleaned off my car which isn't fun but the snow was light and fluffy and full of life.

I started driving and that's where it all went wrong.

I realized that the snow wasn't full of life and instead was trying to kill me.

We live in a town that seems to be at the bottom of hills. 

Which means, any direction I go to get out of this town... I need to go uphill. 

I work about 40 minutes from where we live. Which means, I was in for an even longer ride this morning.

I was trying to get uphill and the car had a little trouble. But I just kept on singing Ed Sheeran and hoping for the best. What else could I do?

Then... another hill. A little more slippery... more skids... more thoughts of "hmm... this isn't good".

I had to shut off the radio. You know it's serious when you can't listen to music.

But then... my favorite part. [enter sarcasm]. Going downhill.

I watched for a split second as the cars in front of me slid off the road.

Into ditches and mailboxes.

But I didn't have time to stop completely.
And I couldn't turn around. 

So, I started and immediately slid into someone's driveway. 

My brakes made that awful sound that told me they were working their hardest but couldn't do more. 

I put on my hazards and just stayed still while the cars behind me passed.

Going fast. 

Just because you're in an SUV doesn't mean you need to act big, bad and bold.

I tried again... I began to slide sideways down the hill.

And not that fast slide where you don't have time to think about it.

It was the slow-motion slide where you know exactly what's happening but can't do a thing about it.

I think that one's worse.

I got control of the car and slid into someone else's driveway narrowly missing their mailbox and a huge tree. 

I put on my hazards again and this time just kept them on as I gripped the steering wheel tightly and literally just screamed my head off the rest of the way down.

Not just a metaphorically-speaking scream, either.

I mean I was screaming as if Mother Nature was trying to kidnap me and put me into her white van.

Seriously.

When I finally got to the bottom of the hill, which is pretty freaking long apparently, I did what any married 26 year old would do: I called my mom.

Screaming and irrational.

She told me that I needed to stop crying so my tears wouldn't stop me from seeing,

I quickly told her that I had no tears and that I was just hyperventilating.

After an hour and forty minutes... I got to work. Safely.

Texted Sean to tell him that I was okay.

And decided to reflect on what had just happened.

Here are my thoughts:

1. Perhaps the state of Massachusetts should treat the roads when they know [which they did] a storm is coming. The funds are there, use'em.

2. Maybe, just maybe, the plows that are out on the roads could actually put down their plows rather than drive around with their plows off the ground. Get some snow off the roads?

3. It would probably be a better idea if the salt truck was behind the plow truck.. that way the plow truck didn't remove all the salt the salt truck just released. Right?

I mean, it is New England. So while I should be comfortable driving in the snow... the state should know how to prepare for it.

The end.

A tornado?

We were in a tornado watch last night. What, Massachusetts?

Yeah.

So, I took responsibility and made our survival kit, in the bathroom, since I hear you're supposed to stay away from windows... and every other room in our loft has 7-8 foot windows.

Sean "assessed" our kit a little bit later, to which he said "I'd give you a 7 out of 10, for survival gear".

A 7?! Why's that, sir?

Apparently, I did well preparing Apollo -- carrier, blankets, toys, food = check!

Us, on the other hand... apparently you need to pack clean water... and the faucet can't count! So all three of us would be dehydrated!

Apparently, you're not supposed to pack salty snacks... like salted peanuts, ritz bitz and goldfish. Or that water we didn't pack becomes a bigger problem.

Oh, and all that technology I packed with us, you know the cell phones, the tablet, etc. Well, while I brought the chargers... none of the them were actually charged which apparently means they wouldn't work if the power went out!

What a learning experience.

I did pack a flashlight, though! And it actually works.

Luckily, nothing happened.

But let's face it: better safe than sorry.

Now, I have to put everything back where it belongs.

Maybe I'll do that later...

The Emergency Room... what?!

So this past week, I spent 5 hours of my time (and my mom's) in the ER. Why you ask? Well, apparently when you have asthma [like I do] it's important you take the appropriate medications especially when you are sick with strep throat [like I am].

So I, literally, couldn't breathe. You know, sometimes, when you use the expression 'like I couldn't even breathe!'. Well, legit, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't catch my breath. Which is not a good feeling. It's like you're drowning. 

But anyway! I came home to a very worried husband and some get breathe well treats!

 

If you haven't yet seen, In Time (one of my breathe well treats), with Justin Timberlake... you should! It was really good.

Bad Blogger.

Okay, so I missed a few days. I haven't turned my computer on since Monday morning. Which means I'm definitely behind with my Google reader. :(

And, of course, I have so much to do (like ALL my homework & watch my DVR). So much to share. And I had a wonderful post for today. You know since I missed Marriage Monday. And, today is Wednesday and I would love to do a "What I'm loving Wednesday" post. 

HOWEVER...

I just got all comfy, you know -- to crawl into bed and write this awesome post that's been developing in my brain all day.

UNFORTUNATELY...

This... wanted to crawl into bed with me, too!

As you can imagine, I jumped out of bed and sent Sean an emergency 911 text message to come home right away!

I tried to kill it. I'm NOT a bug saver. And, of course, the slithery thing got away so I had to strip my WHOLE bed and it's currently in the washing machine. 

YES. It's already 9PM. And I usually go to bed at 10PM. But there is no way I can lay back down!

Could you?! Ahh. :(